The Rise of Home Funerals

Over the past decade, a trend toward holding home funerals has been gathering momentum (legal in all states except Connecticut, Delaware, Indiana, Nebraska and New York as far as I have been able to determine). This may be due in part to a more environmentally aware, or “green” attitude among us, or a response to increasingly expensive commercial funerals. Perhaps it is simply a manifestation of a desire to return to simpler times and giving a more personal farewell to our loved ones. Regardless of the reasons, the trend shows no sign of abating.

It seems odd to me, that in a society that is inundated daily with images of violence and death on television, in movies, on the internet, and even in print, most Americans never deal with death up close and personally. When a loved one dies, she or he is typically attended by a spouse and a very few close family members or friends, and strangers in the form of care givers and medical professionals. That is in fact how my father's death occurred in a nursing home in 1998, to my regret.

From that point onward, we hand off the body to other strangers who prepare it for a funeral-frequently arranged and presented by yet more strangers-and burial or cremation. We absolve ourselves of the responsibility for the final act of love we can provide for our loved one’s earthly remains. In doing so, we also deny ourselves an important outlet for our own grief. How terribly sad.

A home funeral is the antithesis of the commercial funeral, in more ways than one. A typical home funeral might consist of a memorial service, a wake, a religious ceremony, a viewing, or a combination thereof. It is an extraordinarily intimate and personal experience for everyone involved. Friends or family members help wash and dress the body, build or decorate a casket, plan a memorial service, and/or accompany the deceased to the burial site or crematory. In Maine, one needs only a valid death certificate, a permit giving permission to transport the body for disposition, and that the remains be disposed of in a safe and respectful manner-usually burial or cremation. (Maine law does not mandate a viewing or embalming.)

In June of 2005, Rachel S. Cox wrote a very nice article on home funerals, which was published in the Washington Post. You can read the article here.

Jim